New that the Fine Gael party is poised to seize control of the Irish government in a coalition with the Labour party, leaders from the two parties are holding high level discussions concerning the formation of a new government and formulating a strategy for handling the economic turmoil caused by the previous Fianna Fail government. It has now been reported by highly placed sources that the Fine Gael-Labour coalition have conceived a new plan for bailing out Ireland from economic collapse. Emissaries from the two parties have been dispatched to London to offer to sell Ireland back to the United Kingdom. The emissaries have further apologized for the bloody revolt earlier during the 20th century, and expressed hope that there aren’t any hard feelings.
Although an official response has yet to emerge from Downing Street, sources within the Conservative government confirm that the two nations are unable to agree on an appropriate price for Ireland. The Irish representatives have been quoted as saying that eleven pence is a completely unreasonable price. Sinn Fein has threatened that the Irish Republican Army is poised to renew its terrorist attacks unless the United Kingdom agrees to take Ireland back. Prime Minister David Cameron was quoted as saying, “Bring it on. The British nation is not interested in buying a second hand nation of spendthrifts with funny accents.
In a related development, Greece is reported to be making inquiries to Turkey as to whether they would like to reconstitute the Ottoman empire and allow Greece to become a province. Meetings in Ankara have stalled because the Turkish foreign minister has not yet been able to stop laughing.
Meanwhile, Spain and Portugal have entered into high-level negotiations with Parker Brothers, proposing that their two nations should replace Baltic and Mediteranean Avenues on the Monopoly Board. It is believed that the two and four dollar rents would substantially raise the gross domestic products of these two nations, allowing them to better cope with their restructuring program.