AP, Washington, D.C. Today, the Romney campaign announced its plans for restructuring America. Previously, Mitt Romney argued that he had vast business experience, and knew exactly what must be done to restore America. He is now making public more specific plans for achieving this goal. Drawing upon his vast business experience at Bain Capital, Romney announced that he would do what he does best. He plans to sell off some of America’s more unprofitable states and acquire some Asian countries that he considers to be undervalued.
Insiders expect that Romney will extract all the moveable assets and capital from Tennessee and West Virginia and sell them to the Chinese. Negotiations are already underway.
Certain states such as Mississippi and Arkansas have essentially no market value or realistic prospects for sale. Accordingly, Romney plans to extract the moveable assets and capital from these states and allow them to go bankrupt. Layoff notices are being prepared for the residents of these states, informing them that their state is insolvent and no longer part of America.
Lastly, in keeping with his prior strategy at Bain, the Romney campaign announced that it is interested in purchasing South Korea and Viet Nam. Both countries have been undervalued by the market, and it is believed that they could be acquired at bargain rates unless some other country or investment banker bids on them.
A spokesman for the Romney campaign said that South Korea and Viet Nam would make excellent additions to the U.S. portfolio of states, and add significantly to the U.S. balance sheet. He acknowledged, however, that past efforts to acquire Viet Nam may leave the Vietnamese a bit touchy about this offer.